Toxic Positivity is the over-generalisation of a happy, optimistic state that results in the denial, minimisation and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience.

We define toxic positivity as the excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. The process of toxic positivity results in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience.

Just like anything done in excess, when positivity is used to cover up or silence the human experience, it becomes toxic. By disallowing the existence of certain feelings, we fall into a state of denial and repressed emotions. The truth is, that Humans are flawed. We get jealous, angry, resentful, and greedy. Sometimes life can just flat out suck. By pretending that we are “positive vibes all day,” we deny the validity of a genuine human experience.

Signs of Toxic Positivity

Below are some common expressions and experiences of toxic positivity to help you recognize how it shows up in everyday life.

1. Hiding/Masking your true feelings
2. Trying to “just get on with it” by stuffing/dismissing an emotion(s)
3. Feeling guilty for feeling what you feel
4. Minimizing other people’s experiences with “feel good” quotes or statements
5. Trying to give someone perspective (e.g., “it could be worse”) instead of validating their emotional experience
6. Shaming or chastising others for expressing frustration or anything other than positivity
7. Brushing off things that are bothering you with an “It is what it is”

Why Toxic Positivity is Bad for Our Health

<aside> 🦉 I’d rather be whole than good. — Carl Jung

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Shame

To force a positive outlook on pain is to encourage a person to keep silent about their struggles.

Most of us don’t want to be seen as a drag or “bad,” so when the choice is between A) be brave and honest or B) pretend like everything is going great, we might be tempted to adopt the latter.

Author and researcher Brené Brown teaches in several of her books, presentations, and interviews that the energy source of shame is silence, secrecy, and judgment. In other words, where there is hiding, secrets, and denial, shame is usually in the driver’s seat.

Shame is crippling to the human spirit and one of the most uncomfortable feelings we can feel. Often, we don’t even know that we are feeling shame.

Here’s a clue on how to know it’s there, ask yourself, “If they knew __________ about me, what would they think?” or “Something I wouldn’t want the world to know about me is _______________.”

If you can fill in that blank with ANYTHING, whether it be a situation, a feeling, or an experience there is a high likelihood that there is some shame around that.