https://every.to/no-small-plans/the-status-trap
Dominance Hierarchy
Seek Wealth, Not Money or Status.
Sebastian Ervi / Unsplash
When our status is challenged, our body reacts like it's in physical danger. If you don't learn how to manage that reaction, you may find yourself in the status trap—endlessly chasing status as a way to try to feel safe and whole.
I experienced this myself when running my first company. We had been bootstrapping for a year when a competitor entered the space and raised $10 million.
This brought up a lot of insecurity. I was in my early 20s, with no real connections to mainstream investors. Our competitor was run by an ex-VC. Comparing myself to them, I felt like an outsider—like we were missing something or approaching the business wrong.
Years later, when I exited the company, this feeling stayed with me. I threw my energy into coming up with product ideas, hoping to start something new and get into YC. If I could do that, it felt like I’d finally be in the inner circle of tech and could call myself a Legit Founder™.
I’ve seen the same patterns in friends and clients. They feel like outsiders in comparison to tech’s “anointed ones,” and end up chasing external validation as a way to try to feel like they belong.
Instead of focusing on craftsmanship or doing work that matters, their life becomes about trying to get funded by Sequoia, go viral on Twitter, or give a TED Talk. External recognition becomes an end unto itself, often at the expense of their own values and vision.
This is what I call the “status spiral.” When we compare ourselves with those we perceive as higher status, we feel insecure and doubt our self-worth. This in turn leads us to chase status as a way to try to feel better about ourselves.
However, status is a poor salve for feelings of "not-enoughness." Even when we achieve status, it doesn’t necessarily translate into self-acceptance. In fact, striving for status can actually make us feel even more like something is missing or wrong in our lives.
In this piece, we’ll explore several traps that lead to the status spiral while offering more skillful ways to deal with status insecurity when it arises.
As humans, we have evolved to be constantly aware of status—our relative position within a group, and that group's relative position within broader society.
And yet our innate desire for status can get us stuck. Let’s examine three common traps around status: the trap of the inner ring, the body-builder trap, and the trap of false belonging.