https://youtu.be/J5UP872IeYA?feature=shared
Emotional Intelligence 101: Empathetic responses
Emotional Intelligence 101: Empathetic responses | Empathy
How do you respond when people you care about tell you they’re going through something difficult?
Do these responses sound familiar?
“Hey, it’s okay. Cheer up.”
“It’s only worth 10%, you’ll be fine.”
“He’s not that good for you anyway—just, like, move on.”
Sometimes, despite our best attempts to provide comforting words, what we say can make the person feel worse instead. The result: a slump, a sniffle, a shoulder sag. We ask ourselves, “Did I say something...wrong?”
The thing is: maybe things aren’t okay, and won’t be for a long while. Maybe it’s not about the mark, but the heavy toll on self-worth. Maybe it’s easier to think about an ex (or someone who's ghosted you) than to forget.
To help others feel heard and less alone, we can choose words that validate what they are experiencing, rather than gloss over their feelings. That’s when knowing the difference between sympathetic and empathetic responses can help.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines sympathy as “feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune” and empathy as the “ability to understand and share the feelings of another.”
I used to think that these terms were interchangeable, until I was introduced, in the English lecture I took in my first term at UBC, to this video on empathy, which drove home the distinction—in less than 3 minutes.
As researcher Brené Brown points out, whereas “empathy fuels connection, sympathy drives disconnection.” Empathy means feeling with others and taking their perspective—without, as sympathy tends to do, “silver lining” the problem.
Along with watching Brown’s video, I read articles related to empathy for class (like this one) and learned to change the way I engage in conversations.